Your Sword's Grown Old and Rusty

Today had some minor successes. I went into the Magus Books store and bought myself three books (believe it or not, only coming to $25!). I chose Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan and The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. About a month ago I bought Milan Kundera's Laughable Love. I am probably going to become Magus Books' regular customer, as I seem to have decided to begin to build the book collection of my dreams.


There is something to say about hardcover books. And not just the dime-a-dozen hardcover books you can buy anywhere, but the really beautiful hardcover books you'd find decades ago, with imprints and designs. Anna Karenina came in a wonderful green hard cover, with a protective sleeve whose inside is filled with a list of 365 other classic title. The other two books I found were, unfortunately, not hard cover, but they are beautiful nonetheless.


It's amazing how wonderful it is to be surrounded by books; I've always had a fondness for libraries, but the excitement of possible ownership of any book on any shelf is an entirely different experience (which is probably why I couldn't just stop at one book today).


And I have to say, the self-inflicted isolation is a marvelous break from reality; there is an immense burden that I've alleviated, and it actually allows me to reach out to people I run into much easier than before. I found that my choice to not talk to any friends or force contact with people has only led me to embrace the serendipitous occasions in which I run into someone -- today I found myself gushing to a girl I hadn't talked to since 10th grade. Without constantly checking my cell phone or keeping track of time or people, it's a wonderful release and an opportunity to just be out and about. I'm seriously considering deleting my Facebook and leaving my cell phone at home, and just to get rid of these socially intrusive tools that people use to excuse themselves from really caring about other people (while narcissistically forcing themselves on others with their frivolous status updates).


But at the same time I know that this type of social isolation isn't really a feasible reality. It's impossible to escape interacting with people; after all, I'm in this rat-race-of-a-world too.


Anyways, I am debating whether or not I want to use up another one of my 116 free breaks from this project. This Jamie Lidell album, Multiply, for all its merits, is hard for me to write about, and I don't feel like forcing myself to write something. I am pretty happy about the last two albums I reviewed, but I feel like my project is lacking in a more personal feel; if people were looking for music reviews, it would be more beneficial for them to look at Pitchfork or Popmatters.

And the Cold Continues

I was really hoping to have kicked this cold by the time Monday came around (about three days to recover seems pretty reasonable) but no such luck. And I really thought that half mile I ran until I almost fainted would really help...Even OD-ing on herbal pills to the point that my stomach starts twitching; 'twas all to no avail. This cold officially is the biggest jerk ever.


Tomorrow is supposed to be the end of my not-until-finals-are-over ban on life, as well as the start of the Best of 2009 list. I don't think I'm that late for it, considering the fact that Pitchfork is revealing their list this week too (yeah, that's right. I'm competing with Pitchfork). They've already published half of their Top 100 Tracks of 2009. Yeah, I'm confused by Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" (placed 83) and Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me" (placed at 69), but overall the tracks are pretty good. And at the very least they defend them pretty well.


Maybe it's not a very noticeable difference from what I normally write, but I feel like I'm completely frazzled and it's coming out in my blog posts. I even went so far as to go back and revise them myself, though it's hardly an improvement. 


I went out and bought a book by Milan Kundera, Laughable Loves, which is supposedly a collection of seven short stories of sexual comedies. Aside from the somewhat offputting cover, the stories themselves are fairly standard Kundera; stories told on both sides, philosophical meanderings and general tragic-comedies. I honestly find them more tragic than comedic. I am planning on reinventing the cover art in the days to come, as well.

Sylvia

I have a feeling that this whole "no computers" thing will be much more difficult than I'd like to admit; I won't be surprised if I literally go through withdrawals. Sadly, me laying down on the floor being a spazz is something most people are used to and expect from me, so I guess it really won't be too different from any other day.

I've definitely been becoming much more attentive to the music that I have, now. It's weird, but I feel like for a really long time my musical tastes were based on intuition -- I didn't pay much to lyrics, vocals, instruments, nothing. Most of my music functions as a background noise -- I guess it's been a really long time since I listened to music as music, not just an escape from myself.

Last summer I read Milan Kundera's book, Slowness, which basically talks about the relationship between speed and forgetting. It mainly is a reflection on people today; that we're all speeding through our lives, forgetting or simply just not seeing things along the way. He goes into a short description about traffic: a man and a woman in the car behind him are impatient and looking for an opportunity to pass him. He points out that neither the man or the woman are thinking about the scenery, nor are they thinking of each other -- they could easily reach out and hold each other's hands, but they don't. I realize now that I've been using music mainly as a way of forgetting, as it drowns out my thoughts and everything in the background that I don't want to hear. Recently, however, I think I may have discovered slowness in music.

I feel confident to say that the Best Albums of 2009 list will be much more comprehensive and honest. In the past, I generally regurgitated things I read on the internet, or just said something very generic and moved on. I definitely feel that this year the music and my review of it will be much better.

Ughhhh

I hate being busy. Maybe it has to do with Milan Kundera's book, Slowness. Which basically discusses the relation between speed and forgetting. Then again, I could be honest and just admit that I hate being busy because I'm pretty lazy and would much rather be curled up at home with a cup of hot cocoa.

Which reminds me, I need to lay off the hot cocoa. It isn't even December yet but I've made a serious cut into my cocoa rations.

There is one overarching sound in my life, which is this: Ughhhhhhhhhhh.

I would like to play it all off, like life isn't corny and dramatic when you don't want it to be and painfully boring, despite the fact that you imagine you're the center of the universe.

And to top it off, my usual anchors, the people in my life that you can generally just drop a couple words by and feel like you're someplace safe, are scattered around the world, literally. I lost one to Uzbekistan, one to RISD, and one to time.

(Ughhhhhhh)

Oh, and if I may interrupt myself, I highly recommend Milan Kundera's works. Particularly Unbearable Lightness of Being, mainly because of the whole "lightness" concept which I find interesting. But also because it's a fairly interesting book with a very good plot and interesting writing technique. The majority of his stories follow the same style, in which a few characters' lives interweave and single events are seen at many different vantage points, with added philosophical meandering and just general poetry.

My favorite place right now is the UW libraries, among the book stacks. Unfortunately, I had a mishap and walked through section after section of books describing wars all around the globe spanning human history. It was a little disturbing, yet still satisfying to walk through and read some of the funniest book titles I've ever seen. And the Middle Eastern section of the library is full of beautiful hard cover books that look amazing. I like them even though I can't read any.