Lately

Lately I've been extremely dissatisfied with everything that I write. And for no particular reason either; the words just seem wrong. One sentence sounds just about right but the punctuation hits me like a hammer and I know it's wrong, or the next sentence is so devastatingly flat that it knocks the wind out of me. And then I delete it and find myself with the same empty box, no matter how many times I try to word it.


I finished reading The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan yesterday, and immediately upon going to bed I opened up The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and began reading. I was so enraptured I stayed up until 4AM, surprisingly, before realizing how late it was and deciding to go to bed. What scares me is the levels of parallelism I find in its pages and my life. I'm almost scared that I feel as if I could relate to Esther Greenwood, though as I wake up five hours later and have a clear mind, I can noticeably count the differences in my head and feel relieved.


This morning I was greeted with a sight I haven't seen in years: birds in my backyard. I counted seven different types, ranging from just tiny to the size of a crow. It felt right to unplug my headphones and listen the pulse and thunder of a group of birds flying together.


I'm still surprisingly burnt out by the last album, Multiply, but today I think that the clear gray light filtering through the window and the abundant number of hours I have will suffice in curing me and allowing me to write about the next album on my list.


But right now...time for breakfast!