Happy June!

So here is my obligatory, once-a-month apology for being a slacker. But today I mean this more than I have for other months.

If an explanation must be had, it may be as simple as this: I was exhausted. I couldn't listen to music without thinking, Do I have to write about this later?. I couldn't think about typing anything that would be meaningful at all, because I felt as if I had lost all meaning. By the tail end of the month, I was bedridden with a frustratingly persistant cold, spending four full days just lounging about trying to breathe.

As the days passed, I seriously began to question the point of this 365. It suddenly occurred to me that I am tired of keeping track of my days. I honestly don't want to feel them passing by, or adding up. My days became lined with anxiety.

As for music itself, it took a long time to make listening to music stop feeling like a chore. My listening habits were slowly devolving; I kept going back to the same albums, which eventually degenerated to single songs. And then, because I couldn't even handle that complexity, I turned to 1960s music. I went back to a time when songwriters didn't care about being cheesy, and there was a general good-feeling emanating from the majority of songs. And, because of the times, there was also anxiety-ridden, angry songs, like Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Fortunate Son". Eventually, I just didn't listen to music at all.

Though I hate being sick, I can't help but feel thankful for being forced to not doing anything. I could stay off the computer, and not remind myself about all the albums I was supposed to write about that day. I didn't have to go out of the house, where my iPod's headphone cord would bother me like a thick black noose, daring me to be alone with my own thoughts, knowing I would never manage that.

I have come out of the cold and out of my funk, and am ready to write about albums yet again. But, I hope to change the way that I write about them. I want to consciously stop trying to describe what the albums sound like, and focus on meanings and focus on why I connect to the albums, because that interests me infinitely more than looking up synonyms for "enjoyable".

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