Sun Bronzed Greek Gods

I'm literally sitting six drafts right now for this blog. Over the past two months, I've actually been wanting to write. And I happen to have some good ideas too. Each post is tagged with clear labels, each one has a carefully picked out title. Some even have their introductions written. And at some point in the middle of the post, my brain goes "Fuck it, let's check Hark, a Vagrant and then go bake something and then fall asleep." This type of thing usually happens with every blog I write ever, and I very nearly have to chain myself to the desk in order to finish anything. That's why, if anyone actually has talked to me while I am blogging, I average 4 to 6 hours per blog post (try to imagine how long it takes to write an essay).

There are people who probably wonder what I've actually been doing, if I haven't been listening to music or writing (namely, concerned friends that haven't seen me in about three months and only get sporadic emails). And the truth will probably piss people off, because there are people with actual problems in their life, that are actually working and doing things. But here it is: I've been watching 24 all day everyday. It wasn't exactly my idea, though. My sister came home towards the start of summer vacation and informed us we could use her laptop to watch shows online from her boyfriend's Netflix account. Since the start of the summer, my mom and I have watched all four seasons of Prison Break, the entire season of Glee, a season of Buffy, and the first five seasons of 24, among other shows.

To counteract the severe laziness of my summer, I've been jogging with my sister, sometimes twice a day (she wakes up at 6:30 and jogs). And at some point in my past, I was actually a pretty good runner and was somewhat athletic, but in the last three or four years I think my muscles have literally degenerated and atrophied. My sister, on the other hand, has been exercising continuously for years. Watching my sister and I jog together, you would think that I was dying, or at the very least about to fall down at any moment (two giant scars on my knees do nothing to build confidence that I won't eventually fall down).

Now that my mom has caught up with 24 — she started watching 24 during the sixth season — she has completely lost interest in watching anything, which means she no longer comes into my study room and commandeers my computer. I can now continue watching 24 at my own discretion, which means I have an opportunity to cut down on the amount of time watching television and increase the amount of time spent blogging and listening to music.

Though the six drafts I have backed up are vaguely interesting to me, I've reached the point in my summer where I feel capable of being less than depressing. I don't think I have the ability to write about happy subjects in as good a manner as the sadder things that I write, but at this point I am a little less interested with trying so hard and a little more concerned with just writing reviews and getting back into the rhythm of writing everyday.

If I want to have any chance at accomplishing this 365 project, I'll have to start writing a review at least once a day, if not more. I'm not exactly used to writing more than once, or even to just sit down and finish a single blog post without getting up and distracting myself, so I will probably write more posts like this until then, just to practice being long-winded.

For the longest time I found myself unable to share anything, namely because I woke up one day to find out that my mom had read some of the things I had written that wasn't actually meant to be read by her. I felt really awful, because I can say and write the worst possible things sometimes, and it didn't help very much when she shouted, "You're evil!". That single event was resolved very quickly however, because my mom was kind enough to tell me that even though she read those things a while ago, she loved me anyways and it didn't change that at all. Even so, the whole situation made me self-conscious about the things I share and the way I think. I didn't even really want to write here anymore, and was about to delete the blog altogether. But I know at this point most of my readers have very little faith in me, so I am pretty okay with spilling my guts again!


Nathan said...

blahhhh I'm happy that you decided to not delete your blog. I have high faith in your blog. I'm sure that I'm not alone.

Nathan said...

whoaaa i like the new design it's very sharp.

amda said...

thanks. I am not really sure if I want to keep it this way, and will probably continue to edit it until I find something I like. But, I always get tired of things and like changes, so I felt like trying the new blogger layouts.

I'm somewhat glad I didn't delete the blog, but to be honest, there's something delightful in letting go.