Lately I've been extremely dissatisfied with everything that I write. And for no particular reason either; the words just seem wrong. One sentence sounds just about right but the punctuation hits me like a hammer and I know it's wrong, or the next sentence is so devastatingly flat that it knocks the wind out of me. And then I delete it and find myself with the same empty box, no matter how many times I try to word it.

I finished reading The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan yesterday, and immediately upon going to bed I opened up The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and began reading. I was so enraptured I stayed up until 4AM, surprisingly, before realizing how late it was and deciding to go to bed. What scares me is the levels of parallelism I find in its pages and my life. I'm almost scared that I feel as if I could relate to Esther Greenwood, though as I wake up five hours later and have a clear mind, I can noticeably count the differences in my head and feel relieved.

This morning I was greeted with a sight I haven't seen in years: birds in my backyard. I counted seven different types, ranging from just tiny to the size of a crow. It felt right to unplug my headphones and listen the pulse and thunder of a group of birds flying together.

I'm still surprisingly burnt out by the last album, Multiply, but today I think that the clear gray light filtering through the window and the abundant number of hours I have will suffice in curing me and allowing me to write about the next album on my list.

But right now...time for breakfast!


Rachel said...

The Bell Jar was a very meaningful book to me; I think everyone can find part of their self in Ester. And I love Amy Tan's style of writing, though I've only read The Joy Luck Club... I should read some of her other books, but that goes at the bottom of a very long list!

amda said...

Joy Luck Club is definitely Tan's best, I've read four of her books and that has always been my favorite. It's much more subtle and honest.

The Bell Jar is just amazing, Esther is such an amazing character. It's a shame that Sylvia Plath never wrote more novels. The whole fig tree quote was amazing, I think that a lot of people can relate to the paralyzing fear and overwhelming force of having so many possibilities open to you.